Parenting On Instinct

When you read attachment parenting articles/books/blogs you'll usually read something about it being instinct if we listen to ourselves rather than others.

I'm here to say that's a lie.

What would I have done had I not read anything?

I'd have used a stroller. I'd have bought jarred baby food. And above all I would have formula fed.

What to I do instead? Babywear. Make homemade baby food (with the use of this lovely website) and breastfeed.

As for other attachment parenting ideals. Disposable diapers and crib sleeping for me!

Breastfeeding wasn't instinct for me. The first days were not hard. She latched easily and ate as the websites said she would. 1-3 hours.

No that was all right. Breastfeeding itself was awkward though. I didn't enjoy it. I wanted to give the baby a bottle and the only thing that stopped me (besides my stubborn nature) was the websites saying how much better it was. I read the benefits over and over etching them in my memory.  Breast was best and would give her lifelong benefits. My aversion would NOT stop me from providing that for her.
After a few weeks. I'd say between the 5-6 week it got better just like that and I enjoyed the special time Em and I got to relax together.

But instinct had nothing to do with it. Instinct would have led me to formula.

Because in reality instinct for humans is not the same as for other animals. We are in fact different from our four legged friends.

I don't know if at some point humans relied on instinct or if we've just gone with what works. To me it is our brains that are our instincts and it is not the same.

Humans do what is socially and culturally acceptable. Is this a bad thing? Yes and no.

We have evolved. We are shaped by the world we've created, products of our environment. Sometimes we get it right, sometimes we don't.

But the idea of relying just on instinct to raise our children? No. We're too smart for that and our instincts can betray us.

Or it did me.

So research. But be smart about it. If you feel strongly about something do it, no matter what the research says.

Huh. That went against my whole post didn't it?

I guess what I'm trying (and FAILING) to say is be the best parent you know how to be. Listen to your instincts, yes, but it doesn't hurt to look into things either.

Breastfeeding VS. Formula Part IV: Your Choices Are YOUR Choices

I read an article once about this woman whose child wasn't gaining weight and even after 3 months with no weight gain on breastmilk alone the women felt awful about giving her daughter formula.

She tried and it didn't work. She gave it her all and it didn't work.

So why would she feel awful about that? Because 1. She wanted to breastfeed and it was awful to her that she couldn't. 2. Other people made her feel like less of a mom

I want to stress I am 100% for breastfeeding. I think breast really is best but if my daughter wasn't doing well on it then I would give her formula. And if someone didn't want to breastfeed or couldn't I wouldn't make them feel bad about it or say they didn't try hard enough.

My sister didn't even try breastfeeding. She had no intention of it and feed both her boys formula right from the start. Both boys are very healthy.

So even though I think breastfeeding is wonderful that is MY opinion based on my own experience. Just like I don't force my religion or political views on anyone else I will not force how I feed my child on a new mom.

So remember that it is your choice. You are the one who will have to live with it no one else so don't let anyone else convince you their way is better than yours.

Because it isn't. It's just different.

Return to Part III of this Series

Breastfeeding VS. Formula Part III: What to do?

For me it was easy to decide for a lot reasons the main ones being its better and costs less money. But I don't think the decision is quite so easy for some people.

So here's how I think everyone should look at it.

1. What's better for the baby?

This is the most important because your baby doesn't have an option. You're deciding. They have no say.

And I think this is always breastmilk

2. What's better for mom?

Because your advocating for your baby its hard to look at this alone but its important too.

Happy mom = happy baby

I would take a look at each and see what would fit my lifestyle better. Although pumping is an option for working mom it may not be better for mom. Try and look at every aspect. Time constraints, money, how you feel etc.

3. When one and two are different

What happens when what's best for baby isn't best for mom? Well I think you have to look at it together. Is mom going to be that unhappy? Is it impossible for mom to pump or find a milk bank to buy from? (Being as best for baby is always breast milk) If answers are yes then try it. If it doesn't work out move on to formula. Because that is always an option... you can't really decide to breastfeed after weeks of formula.

I don't want to sound like I think formula is poison. It's not. Its an amazing invention that allows people to feed their baby when they a. Don't have enough (or any) milk b. Have a baby who wont latch c. When breastfeeding is medically impossible.

BUT I do think formula should never be the first option. For all that can breastmilk should be the first choice. If it doesn't work, it just doesn't work. Move on. But how will you know if you don't try?

Of course many people out there just don't want to... to each their own. No judging here. I even might be singing a different tune had breastfeeding not be so ridiculously easy.

After all you're the mom and its your decision. Do what you believe is right. For me it was breastfeeding but for a lot if people its formula.

Go to Part IV of this series. Or return to Part II of this series

Breastfeeding VS. Formula Part II: Formula Benefits

Now I can't say I really thought there was more benefits while I was pregnant I did come to see them while breastfeeding.

1. A Break: Oh how I wanted someone else to feed her just once! I wanted more than 3-4 hours of sleep. I could have managed it with pumping and giving a bottle but I didn't want nipple confusion.

2. A Different Kind Of Convenience: I was always worried about supply and being with my baby all the time. Formula can be given by anyone. No worrying about supply and demand either.

3. Public Displays: Im shy. I can't help it so breastfeeding in public is very off putting for me. (Don't mind seeing it but I hate having to do it!) With a bottle there is no pulling up your shirt in a public place

4. Opinions on Weaning: God everyone has a idea about when you have to stop. Some say when baby has teeth. Others age one. And some who say until baby wants to. Let people make their own decisions! Formula you stop at one year. (People do, however, have opinions on when to stop giving a bottle)

5.Eating/Drinking whatever whenever: alcohol for one and all the foods doctors say you shouldn't eat. Broccoli beans dairy eggs etc.

These are the reasons I thought about using formula but I never did. But as much as people talk about the benefits of breastfeeding I thought these should be said as well.

See Part III of this series. Or return to Part I of this series.

Breastfeeding VS. Formula Part I: Breastmilk Benefits

Formula is so common now that it seems like sometimes there is no reason to breastfeed. Worrying about supply and being away from your baby do add to fact many people don't bother to breastfeed. But we, I think, are forgetting about the benefits.

Im going to list a few here that made me decide breastfeeding was best.

1. It's natural. We may not know everything that goes into it but we do know there isn't anything artificial

2. Antibodies: More antibodies = better chance of not getting sick. And I didn't ever want to see my baby sick. Especially not after those first few days. (Read here, here, here, and here)

3. Bonding I do not think this is just limited to breastfeeding but I think its easier to do. With formula (bottles) its a lot easier to delegate it off(this is not so bad) to someone else and when old enough to prob the bottle or just give it to the child.

4. Cheaper (money wise): Realistically formula was just not an option we could afford

5. Convenience: No bottles or water or formula to remember just a lift of the shirt!

Those are the five reasons I choose to breastfeed before I even had a baby but there are so many more benefits. Here are a couple of links...

1. Benefits of Breastfeeding

2. How Breastfeeding benefits You and Your Baby

3. Why Breastfeeding Is Important

4. Why Breast Is Best

Number 4 is a link to MANY pages that state different benefits.

But like I stated before breastfeeding isn't all roses and sometimes the drawbacks outweigh the benefits.. especially when formula feeding has its own benefits.

Check out Part II Formula benefits