Growing Up

I read quite a few breastfeeding articles right after I had Em in hopes I would do everything right. That my supply would be great and we'd never use formula. And we haven't so I assume all my hard work in the beginning paid off because truth be told it was hard work.

The actual act of breastfeeding was easy. She latched on from the get go. Even after the first days of bottle feeding because she was sick. I never had sore cracked nipples. No all that was a piece of cake.

But it wasn't easy. I was the only one who could feed her and she was not a fast eater at all. 30 min minimum ever 1h30. So if I was lucky I got a 1 hour break between feeds.

In those articles there was things about technique and average length of time and little miss Em fit into that so I wasn't worried about it but I remember all these articles talked about missing these moments later on.

Say what? Are you all nuts, I thought, how could I miss being food every hour?!

There is not alot I miss about those first weeks. I was mildly depressed and staying with his parents was no joy ride (though better than staying at my house alone) but I do miss those long hours spent nursing.

Not enough to want to do it over but I do wish I could have just let myself relax and enjoy the time with my baby.

These days Em eats quick and moves around constantly. She squirms and pulls my hair. She hears penny walk by meowing like she does and she pulls away before unlatching. She barely gives me time to read a few pages in my book before she's done and ready to explore.

She's growing up. She's active and curious and wants to see it all touch it all taste it all.

I love the phase. She's such a little delight to be around. Smiling and laughing. Discovering everything.

But there are days I just want to lay in bed. Days I slept awful and just need to relax and I think about those days when she wanted nothing more than to sleep in my arms eating when she wanted to.  And I miss those days.

But I don't miss those nights ; )